Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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(801): View more from Utah

Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

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(440): View more from Ohio

I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

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(302): View more from Delaware

this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"

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(314): View more from Missouri

Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

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(207): View more from Maine

I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?

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(517): View more from Michigan

I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.

(734): View more from Michigan

I always knew youd fuck a cat lady

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