mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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