So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
