your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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