dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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