i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
