I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
