Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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