I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
