At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
