Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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