He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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