My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
