Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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