mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
