i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
