the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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