If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
