The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
