1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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