Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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