I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
