I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
