when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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