In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
