Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
