just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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