no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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