oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
