If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
