There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
