i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
