Jerry, you need to find god
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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