Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
