She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
