Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he thought i was a dude.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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