her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
