I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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