Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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