So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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