she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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