I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is Oprah even human
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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