so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
