you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
