i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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