I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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