his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
