If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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