Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
