dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize