He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
