ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
