this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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