if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
