I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
