Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
