a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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