I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
