dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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