Barsexuality is the new black.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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