dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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