If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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