somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
