you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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