these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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