Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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