i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
