Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
