Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
